Hooray! You Got the Wrong Answer!

When you are blessed with a child who loves school parent-teacher conferences are a breeze. You get to hear how excited he is to try hard in class, how he's applying himself and outperforming his goals for the year. It's awesome.

What you don't expect to hear is "I love when he get's a different answer than other students in math."

Wait, what? You mean the wrong answer?

And right there, I've revealed myself as someone who learned in the way most of us did. With the goal of finding and demonstrating the right answer, then moving on. It's a way of learning that values memorization and recitation over critical thinking.

But what happens in the real world? You don't always encounter neatly packaged problems that you've practiced and memorized. And seriously, what could be more "grown-up" than peers coming up with different answers to the same problem or question?

Now I'm leaning in. "What do you mean it's good when they get different answers?"

The teacher elaborated, "When that happens we write each answer on the board (sometimes there are more than two different answers to the same math problem), then we ask the student(s) to explain how they got their answer. We all get to see them articulate their thought process, and often we learn a different way of approaching the problem. A wrong answer helps us learn together."

Wow. So many cool things to unpack. Think about what this approach to learning does for kids:

• It reduces the fear of failure, by positioning it as an inevitable (and important) part of the learning process.
• It encourages students to try hard and unfamiliar things.
• It puts students in charge, giving them the responsibility to prove they're right by teaching other how to get the same result.
• That last one is huge, because it means the focus is as much on the process as the result. 
• It shifts from individual effort to team-based problem solving. 

How often are you asked to do the things above in your everyday life? How often were asked to do them in first grade? There's a lot of frustration mixed opinions about the new way our kids are learning. For me this conference was a lightbulb moment. We are uncertain about how our kids are learning because most of us are trying to learn these things right now. What a blessing it is to give them tools to discover answers, as opposed to teaching them to demonstrate a finite set of knowledge we deem important.

The experience reminded me of a Ted Talk I encountered a while back. It was about a division of Google called Google X, that focuses on the most innovative ideas and projects the geniuses at the company can imagine. What's unique about Google X is that they welcome and celebrate failure, for many of the same reasons my son's first and second grade class gets excited about two different answers to the same math problem. Failure hurts us the most if we ignore it, try to hide it, or spend too much time and energy trying to perpetuate the wrong answer in the hopes that it will be right. 

The Good Samaritan

Whatever your belief system, chances are good you've heard the story of the Good Samaritan. Maybe you even aspire to be like this person. This commentary on the story has challenged me in many ways.

The Good Samaritan does the right thing independently of results, outcomes or effects. He helps someone in need because they have a need and he can help.

Being a Good Samaritan means doing the thing that is unfair to ourselves and puts us at a human disadvantage to others. This often means doing the good and right thing to people who openly oppose us and will likely do the bad and wrong thing against us. Again, it's doing the right thing because it's right, not because of what will happen if we do it.

This writer notes "Christ has shown that our neighbor does not mean merely one of the church or faith to which we belong. It has no reference to race, color, or class distinction. Our neighbor is every person who needs our help. ...Our neighbor is everyone who is the property of God."

Our command is to love and help our neighbors. Not change, convict or convert them. That is God's work. If we make this our responsibility we put ourselves above God.

In John 13:34 Jesus says "As I have loved you, love one another." How much do you love the most evil and awful person you can imagine? The person who most overtly opposes everything you believe in and stand for? The amount of love you show that person is a reflection of the amount of Christ's love you are allowing yourself to accept. Make no mistake Jesus loves that person with reckless abandon. He sacrificed his life to give that person the opportunity to reject Him, but with the knowledge that the full riches of Heaven were always an option. Jesus did the right thing because he couldn't imagine doing anything else for someone He loves so much. That "someone" wasn't just you. It was your very worse enemy.

"Many who profess His name have lost sight of the fact that Christians are to represent Christ. Unless there is practical self-sacrifice for the good of others, in the family circle, in the neighborhood, in the church, and wherever we may be, then whatever our profession, we are not Christians."

And if I claim to be a follower of Christ, if I aspire to be a Good Samaritan, that's the challenge I face. Impossible? Yes. But that's exactly the point. Each day I can remind myself of what God has done and continues to do for me, in spite of who and what I am. Then I can seek to freely extend God's goodness indiscriminately, because that is the very definition of God's goodness.

Listening

Today I had the chance to listen to one of our hospital chaplains speak to a clinical pastoral education class. This is a team of pastors and spiritual leaders who are learning specialized skills for serving patients and their families during health challenges. As it turns out the main focus of the work is not on how to solve a patient's problems or guide them to a spiritual enlightenment or awakening. No, what matters in these situations is being able to listen and empathize. It's about letting people articulate what matters to them and reveal their own spiritual truths.

I really appreciated what one of our chaplains shared during his remarks. It went something like this:

When we read the Bible, we put a lot of emphasis on letting the Bible interpret itself. We try to remove our bias, opinions and preconceived notions and instead allow the Word of God to reveal itself to us. It should be the same with others. We should allow people to articulate their experience and what's going on in their hearts and minds, without letting or our bias about who/what they are leading us to what we think they need or should want from us. 

This was such a good reminder for me. I often find myself living in a world of perceptions. It's important to really listen, and to ask the right questions, in order to truly understand people. Let them tell you what they need and why. Sometimes the act of listening is more valuable than anything else.

Here a couple of our chaplains share incredible stories about their work here.

5 Non-Helpful Tips for Aspiring Morning People

Dear Morning People,

Your tips suck!

For quite a while now I've been trying to be better about getting waking up early in the morning. I have a variety of reasons and motivations. I often end up running late because I oversleep. I'd like to have time in the morning to exercise and/or work on chores and activities around the house. By the time I get home after battling the traffic it's usually between 6:30 and 7, leaving me roughly 3 hours until my target bedtime. By the time I exercise, make, eat and clean up dinner, pack my lunch for the next day and give some sort of cursory effort to bringing order to the chaos of my home not only is it almost bedtime, but I'm whipped into a frantic frenzy. And that doesn't even factor in evening social activities.

I've done a lot of looking around for ideas, and frankly the so-called "tips" range from patronizing to stating the intended outcome/objective as a method to achieve itself. Here's what I mean.

5 Non-Helpful Tips for Aspiring Morning People

1. Get enough sleep. In my best-case scenario I'm tucking in around 9:30 (10 on most nights). That is a consistent 8 hours before my alarm goes off at 6 a.m. Should I really set my bedtime for 8 p.m.? Should I change straight into my pajamas from my work clothes? 
2. Skip the snooze button. If I actually jumped right out of bed when my alarm went off I could comfortably complete my morning routine with some fudge time for life fulfillment. But as soon as I hear sound from my alarm clock or phone my hand instinctively snaps out for a temporary reprieve. I know this is bad and a key cause of my problems, but telling me to stop doing something is not the same as telling me how to stop. I'll get up, walk across the room, hit snooze and climb right back into bed. That's a me problem, I understand, but nowhere in any tips I've seen about skipping snooze is there any information or advice about how to stop. It's kind of like telling someone with depression, "have you tried being happier?"
3. Exercise/be active as soon as you wake up: Again, that is the goal. But HOW DO I DO THIS? The entire reason I am trying to wake up at 5 a.m. and stop pressing the snooze button is precisely because I want to be active in the morning! What is the bridge between my eyes opening and being up, dressed and running around the neighborhood? Do I need an alarm that sets my bed on fire? 
4. Have a reward or special reason to wake up: In addition to setting goals to run and be active in the morning I've tried tempting myself with things like "if you are up and ready by ____ time you can stop for coffee on the way in." I've also started watching my favorite tv shows only on-demand. This means if I get up early the day after they air I can watch them in the morning. None of this seems to be effective. Maybe the biggest reward to my mind (and body) is sleep itself and my subconscious is unwilling to trade it for anything else. 
5. Eat/Drink effectively: Don't even get me started on this. I cut off my caffeine consumption by 3 p.m. For about six months I've been taking melatonin every night and for the last two I've been adding a cup of chamomile tea (yes, TEA! UGH!) 45 minutes to an hour before bed. According to my Fitbit I typically fall asleep in less than 15 minutes, and generally stay blissfully unconscious throughout the night. Yet morning is still zonk city. 

If you're hoping to Google your way to carpe-ing your diem forget about it. It's nothing but a bunch of morning people giving you reasons why you should want to wake up earlier and telling you things you already know. Maybe these bright rays of sunshine could use some tips just for them.

Three Tips for Morning People Writing Better 'Becoming a Morning Person' Tips.

1. Don't tell us what getting more sleep and waking up earlier is (going to bed earlier, getting X hours of sleep, getting out of bed right when the alarm goes off) tell us HOW TO DO THIS!
2. Stop mistaking descriptions of behavior (go for a run in the morning) with advice or tactics on how to develop said behavior. 
3. Tell us how to wake up our minds. Most "tips" revolve around making conscious decisions the moment you wake up. That requires consciousness. 

Solving Problems vs. Making a Difference

I recently had the chance to interview the physician of the year at our hospital. His interview came after talking to several colleagues and team members. Their comments featured consistent praise of his expertise, work ethic and leadership. They said things to the effect of "I don't know when he sleeps. He does all his work at a high level and still finds time to personally connect with everyone else and help them with what they need."

Talk about an inspirational leader. When we had the award recipient in the interview chair it seemed only natural to delve into this legendary drive and work ethic. After getting through the bulk of my interview questions I finally felt like it was appropriate to ask a self-indulgent question.

"How do manage to do everything you do?"

The answer started out in the gracious and magnanimous way you would expect from a high achiever. There was reference to family inspiration and a genetic disposition to working hard. He also acknowledged that his work/life balance might not match the average worker's ideal. But it was a little comment at the end that stuck with me.

"I think early in my career I focused a lot on trying to heal people, turn sickness to heath, and was frustrated. Now I focus more on creating positive interactions and view those experiences as successes."

As someone nearly void of any ability to heal a patient my overactive mind raced to understand what I had just heard. Hours later the best analogy I've been able to come with is the idea that this physician has stopped measuring success and fulfillment by problems solved and now focuses on positive experiences and interactions. 

Talk about terms I can relate to! It seems like everything about my job is problem solving. People come to me because they need to make groups of people do something they won't do unless I tell them. In this business these are called "calls to action," and they're generally presented to me with very specific (and often time or budget intensive) delivery tactics. As a creative, this is agony. On my worst attitude days it reduces me to a functionary. I try to give people exactly what they want as quickly as possible so they'll leave me alone and I can go back to my personal priorities and passions for our organization. The problem with this strategy is there's a line around the block of other people with other problems that can only be solved with my excruciatingly specific actions.

Another way of comparing the difference is task vs. purpose. Tasks are the actual things you do and functions you perform. Purpose is the big picture goal, philosophy or experience you advocate for.

In my own work I've recently started to shift the needle this direction. I've started to push back more, to ask questions to better understand how requested tasks relate to big picture strategies. I recently went to work on my email inbox and responded to over 50 long unread messages (I mark messages as unread if I haven't followed up on them yet). In many cases my responses were more about what I couldn't do with relation to specific tasks. It was a lightbulb moment for me when I realized that a timely "no" is more valuable than a delayed "no" or no response at all. No is not a failure. It's an opportunity to try something different.

But there's still one part I don't understand. The problems don't just go away. Is being liked more important than being good? Is making people feel good more important than giving them what they want or need? Does making people happy magically make all their problems go away?

Maybe it's like the world-renowned tagline from the cinematic epic Bad Golf Made Easier. "I don't play golf to feel bad. I feel bad golf, but I feel good." The difference is, the PGA doesn't hand out checks based on who had the most fun each week, and the most manic worker will still get a pink slip if they don't perform.

So where does the balance come? Task and purpose don't (and shouldn't) be mutually exclusive. But how do positive interactions correlate to the bottom line?

Sometimes a lack of wisdom is frustrating. It feels like I'm just supposed to happily fail or flounder long enough and that will somehow transform into success eventually.

Create An Offline Internet Library With Instapaper

The internet is huge. Like, enormously, massively big. You can probably find anything you're looking for at least four times. Inevitably we all create systems for remembering some of our favorite sites, pages and sources of information.

I generally keep 3-4 browser tabs open with my favorite sites a click away. I have bookmark folders with links to sites and pages for various topics (recipes, music, work stuff, etc.). I also use Feedly to subscribe to real-time updates on news sites and blogs.

But all these tools have one thing in common. They function only with an active internet connection. That's increasingly available in most places, but there are times when it's not. My family lives out in the country and the connection can be slow or non-existent at times. You can now keep most electronics on when you're flying, but onboard wi-fi is still sparse and rarely free.

Fear not. Instapaper has your back! It can help you snatch your favorite parts of the internet and store them for offline use, across all your devices. This handy app installs on your browser and has some great features:

1. It's Easy: Instapaper can add a button to your toolbar. If you're on a page you'd like to reference later, just click the button and it shoots the page to your Instapaper dashboard.
2. It's Connected: You can install Instapaper on your computer, phone, tablet, etc. I have it on all my devices. I do a lot of browsing on my computer and save content to read later on my Kindle. 
3. It's Organizable: You can quickly create folders to organize your information.
4. It's Forever (I think): Instead of a bookmark to a blog or site with constantly changing information you'll have the exact post/article you wanted to preserve for eternity. 
5. It's Free
6. UPDATE - YOU CAN FORWARD EMAILS TO INSTAPAPER FOR REFERENCE

Here are a few things to keep in mind about Instapaper:

1. It does require periodic internet connection: In order for your links to be accessible on each of your devices you'll have to launch Instapaper while connected to the internet, so the pages can be downloaded to each device (If I launch Instapaper on my Kindle it downloads all my new pages to that device, but they only get to my phone if I launch Instapaper on my phone while connected). 
2. It's trickier to save links on your mobile devices: I haven't found a one-click solution for saving on my phone/Kindle. On those devices you have to copy the URL of the page, then launch Instapaper. From there it's easy though, as Instapaper detects that you have copied a URL and prompts you for a one-click import.
3. It is static: You have to actively save every page, post or article to Instapaper. There's no subscribing and having all the new information piped in automatically. That works for me though. My philosophy is that Instapaper is for the best of the best from all my favorite sources. I use Feedly (an RSS reader) to browse my sources then send the key things I want to read later or keep forever to Instapaper.
4. It's primarily text-only: When the content gets copied to Instapaper all the beautiful design/formatting from the original source gets stripped out. If that is essential to how you experience the information you want to save, this isn't your solution. Photos generally come through, videos do not. 

Are there some non-connected places you frequent? Are there times you'd like to access some of your web content in those locations? If so, give Instapaper a try. 

5 Items I Wish I Could Subscribe to From Amazon

It's been about a year since I signed up for Amazon Prime. I can't say my life has been completely transformed by Prime Membership, but it's definitely full of benefits.  One of my favorites is Subscribe and Save, which allows me to schedule regular delivery of things I need.

However, as handy as it is to get regular delivery of soap, deodorant, cleaning supplies and dog treats, I find myself longing for additional subscriptions. Amazon, if you're listening here are some things I'd love to subscribe to for annual delivery:

1. Socks/Underwear/Undershirts: Maybe it's a grown up thing. Maybe it's a single guy thing. But I seem to always catch myself pulling on some old ratty socks or an undershirt that hasn't been able to pass for white since George W. Bush was president. Sure, it's easy to grab this stuff from the store, but I never remember when I'm there. Or when I do it feel like an exorbitant expense. That's why you'll always find these three items on my Christmas list. But imagine a world where, once a year, you open up a glorious Amazon box full of fresh socks, undies and undershirts... Not only would this make boring essentials feel like fabulous gifts, it would provide a periodic reminder to do an audit on your current stock and get rid of the rattiest. After all there's an old joke that goes "as long as a man can fit his legs through two of the holes in his underwear they're still good." 
2. Home Air Filters: After living in my home for almost 4 years I just remembered to replace my home air filter. When pulling off the dust-infused monstrosity I learned two important things: It's really hard to remember which size filter you have and you're supposed to replace them every three months. Exactly the interval of my Amazon Subscribe and Save delivery! I could remember the size once and get them exactly when I need them. 
3. Refrigerator Water Filters: Similar to above, every 6 months or so I'd love to get a new filter for my water dispenser. Anything to stop that incessant chirping every time I fill my glass!
4. Dress Shoes: I have a couple go-to shoes for work. The styles never change and they go with my boring work clothes. Once a year I'd love to crack open a box with a new black and brown pair of my go-to work shoes. 
5. Books by My Favorite Authors: I'd love to have a list of authors on my "subscription" and once or twice a year have any new titles sent to me in hardcover, paperback or Kindle version (my choice). I got a taste of this in Kindle Serials, with a couple chapters arriving every week. 

So there you go, Amazon. Five easy ways to get more of my money on a regular basis. I'm happily waiting...