Blank Canvass

It's starting to sink in that this is really happening. Within the next 15-20 days I will be here, as in living and working full-time here.

When I initially came down and interviewed for this job I was cautiously optimistic about the prospect of moving to Texas. Ok, maybe marginally optimistic is a better term. And then when I set foot on the ground, coming face to face with just how completely flat,brown and vast Texas is, it was a serious gut check.

Then, when an official job offer was extended I was totally reeling for about 48 hours. I had pretty much told God that if this was the job H wanted me to have He would have to take away all other options. Ever faithful to hold up His end of the deal that's just what happened. I was left to weigh a career-advancing job opportunity that would require an immense longitudinal relocation against staying close to home and having no job. In the end I had to hold up my end of the bargain with God.

Now I'm looking around, considering all the vast differences between here and what I'm used to. I'm sitting in the only Starbucks within about a 15-20 mile radius of somewhat urban development. You may be asking “what's on every corner then CJ?” From my unofficial research the answer seems to be Waffle House (you can figure out what that might be) and Dollar General (a catch-all type of store). There are mercifully familiar faces, Wal Mart, Target, Albertons, this region's Safeway equivalent (Tom Thumb), but I find myself faced with a blank canvass. Time to develop new patterns and routines. Time to re-invent myself.

This is the part that intimidates me. I'm very much a creature of habit struggle to cope with changes in my world. Now I'm looking around this place and I have no idea what or where my world is. But at the same time I am comforted. Because I've been through this before. I've thrown myself headlong into the unknown and survived, no thrived, amid uncertainty and unfamiliarity. I've reinvented myself in new and better forms.

I still desperately want the boring and monotonous routine that's totally predictable. But God knows me better than I know myself. He understands that sometimes He's got to pick me up out of everything that's safe, comfortable and familiar to me and toss me into the chaos. His perspective is so much greater than mine, or than I let mine be. I think He wants me to learn that I don't have to define my entire world by what I see and understand. Casting a wider braver vision is possible, and together our potential is limitless.

In all honesty, I truly do not expect Texas to be a destination for my life. And that's probably what makes all this seem less terrifying and more exciting. I'm looking forward to embracing what's here and eagerly looking forward to what might be next.